Dr. Coach Love's Life Coaching Tips » leisure time

Relationships, Marriage, and Dating:Permission Slip Pt3

drcoachlove — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 18:48:39 +0000

A Permission Slip from Her- Part 3

by Dr. Coach Love

So do you really need a permission slip from her? Again, answer these two questions:

1. Is it healthy for couples to have individual leisure activities?

2. Should time and obligations with your partner (and/or children) remain a priority over leisure time alone or with others?

If neither of you answers “yes” to both questions above, this is not about permission. It questions the strength of your commitment to your relationship over your individual needs. Conversely, it may signal her lack respect for your individual differences and rights.

Often partners have different needs concerning individual leisure time. For example, one partner does not feel the need (or want to take the time) for individual activities, hobbies, or time with friends. The other seeks regular individual time—“nights out with the Boys/Girls,” twice per week softball games, Saturday golf, Pilates, scrapbooking parties, and so on.

Neither choice is wrong by itself. Partners may not accept that they are different. One may pressure the other to change and be more like them in use of leisure time. Couples must respectfully negotiate differences.

The answer is not as simple as one partner begins to take individual time or the other gives up all individual activities. This “all or nothing” example generally is a solution that meets no one’s needs in the end.

Consider this as a bottom-line. Couples need to establish or negotiate an agreement about individual leisure time. With an agreement in place, a couple remains strong. Permission slips will not have a place in their relationship.

This is my story and I’m sticking to it. For now——

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt1 2-22-08, Pt2 2-23-08

v I invite your comments below.

v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@centurytel.net.

v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy, brevity,

clarity, and general interest.

v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.

v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

Contact DrCoachLove@Centurytel.net for permissions

Relationships, Marriage, and Dating:Permission Slip Pt2

drcoachlove — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:57:55 +0000

A Permission Slip from Her- Part 2

by Dr. Coach Love



Continuing…



Establishing individual plans BEFORE a discussion with your significant other actually violates your own values—putting your relationship needs (and family) as a priority above your own.



Think about it. With this change in mindset, routine joint planning with your significant other/ wife does not make you “controlled by her.” Talking to her is actually checking signals, coordinating, avoiding scheduling conflicts and showing courtesy toward/respect for your partner’s needs and opinions.



You are also expressing your needs. When you and she display mutual respect toward each other despite differences, your relationship grows. Your children (if any) observe.



However, if either you or your partner does not agree with both of these value statements, check out my next blog. This is also not a permission issue.



This is my story and I’m sticking to it. See you next time when I will offer more thoughts on why this not about permission.

  Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt1 2-22-08, Pt3 2-24-08



v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@centurytel.net.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy, brevity,

clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission.                                 Contact DrCoachLove@Centurytel.net for permissions.

Relationships, Marriage, and Dating:Permission Slip Pt1

drcoachlove — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 02:56:20 +0000

A Permission Slip from Her- Part 1

by Dr. Coach Love

My significant other and I have great relationship but… I feel like I need a permission slip from her before I make plans with friends or get away for a weekend fishing trip. When I set my plans before I tell her the details, she becomes upset with me. Although she says I do not need permission, it sure feels like it. Any thoughts?

_____________________________________________________________

You report a great relationship with her. I assume you want to keep it that way. Therefore, while you have the right to make individual decisions, you also have commitments. Commitments to significant others must always factor in when we value our relationships. What are your relationship values? For example, do you agree with both of these value statements? Does she agree with both?

1. It is healthy for couples to have individual leisure activities.

2. Time and obligations with your significant other (and/or children) should remain a priority over leisure time alone or with others.

If you agree with both of these statements, you are not seeking permission when you talk to your significant other before making plans that do not include her. Instead, you are demonstrating that your partner is (and any kids are) top priority by dovetailing your individual plans secondary to couple/family time.

Check out my next blog for more of my thoughts.

This is my story and I’m sticking to it. See you next time—–