Dr. Coach Love’s Life Coaching Tips

Patt H. Pickett, Ph.D. offers YOU life coaching tips for living an EXCELLENT life through Relationships, Marriage & Family. Check out the Q&A, Polls, Quizzes, Checklists, and Reflections.

Teenagers and Parenting Out of Control 3 Saturday, July 25 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Family,Obedience,Parenting,Relationships,feelings,teens — drcoachlove @ 7:36
Tags: , , , ,

Teenagers and Parenting Out of Control? Part 3

By Dr. Coach Love

 

If you are just joining this discussion, please get caught up by reviewing Parts 1 and 2. 

Here is the discussion of #1 of 7 parent coaching guidelines for you to consider as a baseline for respectful parenting:

 

1)   ADOPT A REALISTIC MODEL OF PARENTING

  • Ideal parenting seldom is possible—family life is complex: dual income, single parents, shared custody, step-parents, bi-nuclear families, blended families, limited income, and other family forms.

  • Many parents hold themselves to impossible standards—-to please their own parents and meet their standards maybe???

  • Perfect parents do not exist.

  • Perfect children do not exist.

  • Recognize your child may not adopt your values or goals.

  • You can firmly guide, instruct, correct, and role model,  but not “make” or force your child do anything—unless you are prepared to remove all limits and engage in illegal acts of physical violence (intended as discipline) or abusive behavior such as intimidation, yelling, or emotional control.

  • You can teach a value, but you do not control what your child learns or does.

  • If your child behaves badly, it does not mean “you let” him/her. They made a choice and did not hear, understand, accept, or believe in your directions/values.

  • Parents cannot take unlimited responsibility for all of their child’s behavior—good and bad. If parents do, it may discourage the child from owning his failures and successes and, therefore, not learn from them.

  • You do your best until you learn how to parent better.

 

Do you have a realistic model for parenting? Ask yourself why or why not. Read on and check back for tips 2-7.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v   I invite your comments below.

v   E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v   Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v   Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v   Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©    Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Teenagers and Parenting Out of Control 2 Monday, July 20 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Family,Obedience,Parenting,feelings,teens — drcoachlove @ 7:36
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Teenagers and Parenting Out of Control? Part 2

By Dr. Coach Love 

In Part I, I suggested the three primary ways to view the parents’ behavior are legally, morally, and/or as healthy discipline. In summary: 

  1. I defer to legal professionals for legal interpretations of assault/abuse or violation of personal rights.

  2. I acknowledge different moral positions regarding parental discipline, based on religious beliefs or personal values. BUT…Isn’t morality of parenting behavior questionable when parents violate their own personal values while disciplining? Do they treat others in that manner? Would they accept the treatment they give their kids from people with authority over them??

3.  As to whether the parental behavior described is on target for healthy,

     respectful, and effective for the long term, my simple answer is NO.  

  • Emotionally out-of-control parents behaving disrespectfully toward children   often throw away the opportunity to gain respect, be heard, or have influence with their children—especially teens. 

The best way to prevent “a bad scene” in your family when your kids get older is to begin now when your children are younger to adopt a respectful parenting style. Later as an adolescent, should he/she choose behavior you find objectionable, you will be better prepared to parent. Your parenting style will be emotionally healthy and constructive and will have stronger influence and credibility with your child. 

Here is the list of 7 parent coaching guidelines for you to consider as a baseline for respectful parenting:

 

1)     Adopt a realistic model of parenting

2)     Forgive your child for all flaws, imperfections, poor choices, and misdeeds

3)     Treat your child as his/her own person

4)   Be a humble parent and if you have one, trust in your Higher Power

5)   Do not set your child up to please you

6)   Know your own limitations

7)   Love your child with all your heart

 

In my next blogs, I will discuss these tips and give examples and details for you

to consider. What do you think?

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com. 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Teenagers and Parenting Out of Control 1 Wednesday, July 15 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Family,Obedience,Parenting,feelings,teens — drcoachlove @ 7:36
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Teenagers and Parenting Out of Control? Part 1

By Dr. Coach Love 

Our children are 6, 8, and 10 and easy to parent.  We know families with teens who are struggling.  For example, our neighbor and former babysitter (now 17) is a good kid — honor student, polite and works part-time.  His frustrated parents admitted recently they took away his cell phone, car, and rummaged through all his drawers.  They yelled and cursed, broke down his bedroom door, grounded him— even from sports.  He hardly speaks to them and looks miserable.  His dad is angry because he’s lying and sneaking out of the house. Both parents are worried and suspect he is sexually active or drinking.  We probably don’t know the whole story, but is it right for parents to behave like that? It seems like they are out of control.We almost dread when ours grow up.  Is there anything we can do to prevent such a bad scene in our family?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There are three primary perspectives from which to decide whether the parents’ behavior toward their son is “right”: legally, morally, and/or as healthy, effective discipline. 

 

Laws are in place to help protect children from physical abuse.  Additionally, parents do not have unlimited leeway to disrupt their child’s privacy or other rights in pursuit of discipline. Even children do have some rights.  Whether these parents had the legal right to intrude on their son’s privacy/restrict his freedoms in the way you describe, is a question for legal professionals. 

 

From a moral standpoint, however, parents often violate their own values when they discipline. Some lose control. The more angry and afraid parents become when they feel their child’s behavior is wrong or creating self-harm, the greater the chance they behave impulsively. They might act out, yell, curse, name call, impose unreasonable and unproductive restrictions, or produce a climate of emotional abuse. So how can violent or verbally abusive parental behavior similar to this occurring during attempted discipline be considered as morally sound actions?

 

This type of parental response generally triggers withdrawal or counter hostility.  The teen may feel violated, even when he/she agrees that the behavior is wrong. 

 

In terms of whether this parental behavior is right on target for healthy and effective discipline, the answer is NO. 

 

When parents angrily strip an adolescent of all privileges, intrude on privacy, disrespect personal belongings, and loudly voice moral mandates for behavior, communication disintegrates. 

Without communication, parents cannot discipline or influence in the direction they feel is best. As parents lose emotional control, they throw away their opportunity to be heard or influence behavior.  When parents manage their own feelings and actions, they gain influence and credibility with adolescents. 

 

In my next column, I will provide parent coaching tips to consider using with your children now.  These tips are designed to improve communication and strengthen your influence with your children before they reach adolescence.

 

What do you think? Check back for more options. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Controlling Husband-Loss of Self 4 Wednesday, July 8 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Control freaks,Family,Marriage,Relationships,feelings,intimacy,military background — drcoachlove @ 7:36
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Controlling Husband and Loss of Self- Part 4

By Dr. Coach Love

 

In Part 3, the options of marital and individual therapy to assist in breaking down controlling patterns were reviewed. When the controlling person refuses to enter into marriage counseling, the other partner can enter individual therapy to work on the marriage problem from their end.

 

In response, their controlling partner, who remains outside of therapy, may begin to change with a sincere and demonstrable change in behavior or express a motivation to join in the therapy. This can be an excellent sign. 

 

Nevertheless, if the controlling behavior is pervasive and/or abusive, when the sole partner works in therapy to change their part of the control dynamic— it is not without a serious risk:

 

  • An escalation or beginning of physical violence is a real possibility. If this occurs, be sure to seek professional help immediately—mental health, medical, and/or legal.

 

The other risks include these types of responses from the partner not in therapy:

 

1. A temporary pseudo change in behavior until “the heat dies down”

2. A “punishing” demeanor of avoidance

3. Sudden sulking or emotionally dependant behavior

4. Greater intensity in emotional or verbal battering

5. Throwing up physical or financial obstacles to continuing in therapy

6. Threats of divorce with increased pressure to return to old behavior

7. Increased efforts to isolate the other from sources of support

 

Meanwhile, the partner in therapy may outgrow the marriage and leave.

 

Controlling dynamics in partnerships generally take away the sense of self from the non-controlling partner. Building self-esteem through focusing on positive relationships and activities that have been abandoned or neglected can return the individual to a sense of self.

 

There is no ‘good’ or ‘right’ time to stand up and create a new boundary in a controlling relationship. The ‘best’ time is before you lose yourself and can gain the strength and support to choose a change in your life. The choice is not easy

—but it is yours to make.

 

Check the table of contents below for links to more articles and Q&A on controlling behavior.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Husband Wants More Attention and Sex Friday, June 26 , 2009

Filed under: Divorce,Family,Marriage,feelings,intimacy,romance,sex — drcoachlove @ 7:36
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Husband Wants More Attention and Sex

by Dr. Coach Love

 

We have been married almost 10 years. We both work full-time and have two children. My husband works hard at his job and at home but has expressed his discontent that I don’t give him enough attention— look at him, show affection, talk to him, spend time with him, and (of course) initiate sex. I know he deserves more attention, but that feels like just one more thing on my to-do list. It stresses me out. Tips, please?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Whether your to-do list is mental, electronic, or on paper, attention to your husband  (and marriage) “should” be on that list. If you value your marriage and love your husband, marital attention can become a priority at the top of your list. And if you want family stability, remember, your marriage is the foundation for your family. Strong marriages make for strong families.

 

You don’t paint your husband as particularly high maintenance or a slacker. And it sounds like you get stressed whether you give him attention or don’t. A solid marriage will reduce stress through good communication. Do you get enough of the kind of attention you want? Are you fully satisfied with your marriage? Maybe you are playing the “when this happens game” .  Are you delaying attention to your marriage for when— 

… the kids are in school…. they become more independent… we can trust a sitter…we don’t have an child activity planned…  children are out of the house… we have more money for sitters and dates….blah,blah,blah 

Get real. There are no good reasons (or excuses) to neglect your marriage— unless, of course, you don’t care about keeping it. Marital neglect leads to marital dissatisfaction which leads to emotional distance which leads to— well, let’s not go there.

 

Being on the family fast-track is a real threat to marriage quality because the activity level and stress can lead to marital neglect. Both spouses can be prone to neglect the other in favor of over focusing on children’s needs. Overfocusing on kids can damage marriages!

 

Yes, I did say over focusing on children. The reality is that the time you spend attending to and nurturing your marriage does not cause a neglect of your children. On the contrary, a marital focus directly benefits your children by strengthening the parental bond.

 

Here are a few quick tips to consider:

1. Reevaluate your children’s schedule and consider cutting back/carpooling.

2. Work to develop collaborative babysitting resources.

3. Create a list of low-cost, no cost, and at-home activities for date nights.

4. Schedule a regular date night.

5. Plan a Couple’s Love Decathlon.

http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/couples-love-decathlon-recreating-romance-and/

 

Think about an ounce and a pound. Simple efforts now on a small scale can prevent major weakening of your marital connection. Marital distance can lead to family weakness and destruction.

 

The best time to restore and enrich  loving and intimate connections with each other is today. Pay attention now or risk serious marital dissatisfaction in the future.

 

What do you think? Check the links below for additional information.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Controlling Husband-Loss of Self P3 Saturday, June 20 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Control freaks,Relationships,feelings,military background — drcoachlove @ 7:36
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Controlling Husband and Loss of Self  Part 3

By Dr. Coach Love

 

Review Parts 1-2 for the beginning of this discussion. Controlling relationships can change. However, often a controlling partner justifies or defends their behavior as being helpful, or declares their way as the right way, claims that they know better and are more competent or rational— change becomes more difficult. When the controlling partner is clueless about the rights of the other partner, the chances for healthy change improve significantly with the services of a licensed mental health professional.

 

Frequently, the controlling person will not enter into counseling or therapy because of the perception that it is the other person who needs help. In those situations, the person being controlled can receive help through individual therapy. The focus would likely be on taking a hard look at the behaviors which feed the controlling tendency of the other.

 

One important caution: it is not uncommon for some controlling people to reinforce their sense of power through threats and/or physical violence and verbal abuse. Sometimes threats and violence escalate— particularly if the controlling person feels threatened by the other seeking change through therapeutic intervention.

 

Building a support system of friends and family and knowing legal options to protect oneself from abuse are critical. The risks of change will be discussed further in Part 4.

 

What do you think? Check the table of contents below for links to more articles and Q&A on controlling behavior.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Controlling Husband-Loss of Self P2 Tuesday, June 16 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Control freaks,Family,Marriage,feelings,intimacy,military background — drcoachlove @ 7:36
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Controlling Husband and Loss of Self Part 2

By Dr. Coach Love

 

In Part 1, I talked about the individual rights we all have and do not lose in marriage or

an intimate partnership. Compromise, collaboration, cooperation, and negotiation are

important processes between spouses/partners when a conflict of rights occur. Control

is an unhealthy dynamic in all intimate partnerships.

 

Controlling relationships generally have the impact of:

1. Disrespecting, discounting, or degrading a partner in order

    to get one’s way.

2. Destroying a partnership and creating a parent/child relationship.

3. Triggering the loss of self for the “lower rank” partner

4. Fostering a climate of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse

5. Building distance in the relationship

6. Creating a “partnership of one”

 

Partners who yield to the control often:

  1. Are fearful
  2. Have low self-esteem
  3. Practice a pattern of conflict avoidance
  4. Focus habitually on pleasing others at their own expense
  5. Lose self-confidence
  6. Feel isolated or depressed

 

In relationships where the controlling partner has the self-awareness to acknowledge their control tendencies and expresses the willingness to change, the prospects for a healthy partnership are excellent. When both spouses agree on the problem definition—a controlling dynamic— it becomes less of a challenge to find a mutual solution to create change. With highly motivated partners, self-help materials are available as well as the opportunity to engage professional services from a marriage and family therapist or other mental health professionals.

 

Check back for the discussion about when the controlling partner is in denial of the impact of the behavior on the relationship.

 

What do you think? Review the table of contents below for more information and Q&A on controlling behavior in this blog.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Controlling Husband-Loss of Self P1 Friday, June 12 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Control freaks,Divorce,Family,Marriage,feelings,intimacy,military background — drcoachlove @ 7:36
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Controlling Husband and Loss of Self Part 1

By Dr. Coach Love

I love my husband, but as a former corporate executive for many years with lots of authority over many people, he can be very controlling, so much so that I have nearly forgotten who I am. Every little thing has to be his way because he says it is the best way. He takes offense if I offer suggestions or a different way of doing something. It seems that I cannot even have my own opinion. We are financially comfortable and both contribute about the same. Recently, I started my own account and when I told him about it he blew up. He told me to take that money and pay off his bills. His behavior and words get very ugly and he often sulks in silence for weeks when he gets angry to punish me. He often behaves toward me like he is my boss — not my husband and partner. What can I do to regain myself?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

 

Many corporations and military systems rely on an established hierarchy of people for their organizational processes— including decision-making. A common personal relationship problem occurs when individuals, who are in authority or part of a hierarchical system at work, believe that they “outrank” their spouses or intimate relationship partners and become controlling at home.

 

Rank has no place in a healthy and loving marriage or intimate partnership. When we enter marriage or another type of intimate partnership, we work together and compromise for the good of the relationship, but we also do not give up all of our individual rights. Here is a list of 8 basic individual rights we all have—even when our feelings, ideas, or needs differ from or conflict with those of our spouse or intimate partner.

 

WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO…

 

  1. Hold our own opinion.
  2. Express our opinion reasonably and be heard with respect.
  3. Spend some money as we please.
  4. Privacy.
  5. Take some individual time/ alone time.
  6. Have and express our feelings without criticism.
  7. Be free of fear in our relationship.
  8. Choose whether to have sex with our partner.

 

 

When we do not exercise our rights, we can lose who we are. Still, we can consciously  

decide not to exercise our rights; but feeling compelled to surrender or

having our rights taken away from us by our partner can be a sign of a controlling

relationship. Controlling relationships are typically based on consistently

executing the rights of one person at the expense of rights of the other. Controlling relationships generally have little or no compromise.

 

Which of the 8 basic individual rights listed above do you have and

choose to execute in your marriage? Understand, however, that exercising

our rights, at times, can violate or nullify the rights of our partners. In

healthy marriages, spouses acknowledge both their own and the rights of

their partner. In times of conflict of rights, partners work together to

build healthy solutions.

 

What do you think? In Parts 2 and 3, I will continue discussion. Review the link listed below for more information and Q&A on controlling behavior and control freaks.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Tips for Guys Dating Again P5 Friday, May 29 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Dating,Relationships,feelings,guys dating — drcoachlove @ 7:36
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Tips for Guys Dating Again- Part 5

By Dr. Coach Love

 

Before you go out trying to meet women to date successfully, I offer these three tips in Parts 1 — 3:

 

1. Focus on good grooming.

2. Know your inner game: thoughts, feelings, goals, needs, and beliefs

3. Develop your wish list

 

Check back for details. Now here’s #4.

 

Grow Your Likability

 

It is important to be your self, because the self you show is the one she is going to expect going forward. So what’s the point of being someone you are not? You can be your best self and increase your likability by keeping these ideas in mind.

 

  • Part of who you are is having an opinion about things. You come off as flat, dull and boring if you do not share your own thoughts. Be careful however, that you don’t share your opinions, likes and dislikes as the only good and right ones out there. That’s called being a know it all and controlling. A definite turnoff! Be flexible and be willing to really listen and accept different opinions, but have your own opinion— just not one that is set in stone.

 

And as you put your opinions out there, seek hers. This way, you will get to know each other at the same time—a parallel process. If she fails to express her opinion or conversely seems overly opinionated, that could be a red flag for you.

 

  • It is important to create a balance of conversation with information about yourself and information about her. The side on a low to moderate level of opening up about details of yourself (self-disclosure) depending on how the interaction and conversation goes. But definitely, do not spill your guts.

 

Neither interrogate her about herself nor carry-on about all your wonderful traits and accomplishments. This is called being self-centered and not showing an interest in getting to know her.

 

  • Be positive and use kind, upbeat humor. Definitely avoid sarcasm, even if intended to be humorous, because it can be misinterpreted as rude or negative.

 

  • Be prepared with timely topics of conversation. This is easily done by a quick review of the Internet stories of the day. If you are into movies, books, technology, music, sports, or similar fun topics, be up to date. Share the passions you have. Be cautious about the potential for inflammatory discussions about politics and religion— unless there are specific cues that your date is agreeable to those conversations.

 

  • And just like you were taught, well mannered people are easier to be around. Be polite to everyone, and use your manners.

 

  • And if you haven’t practiced your smile lately, go to the mirror and learn to recognize it. Your smile is a valuable asset which tells her that you are approachable.

 

 

Check back for Tip #5, Create Confidence for the Road.

 

What do you think?

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/find-it-fast/

 

Archives-

                             Articles- How to Find a Companion: Blind Dates, 2/13/08

                                         Successful Dating, 2/20/08

                             Quizzes- Dating: Online Screening 2/22/08

 

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

 

Marriage-Work Friend-Am I Cheating? Sunday, May 10 , 2009

Filed under: Communication,Marriage,Relationships,emotional cheating,feelings,female friends,infidelity,intimacy,secrets — drcoachlove @ 7:36
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Marriage And Work Friend: Am I Cheating on My Wife? Part 1

By Dr. Coach Love

 

I have a particular friend at work who is going through a rough time. She has been confiding in me more and more about her marriage over the last six months. I listen, but only share a few of my own stories. I tried to be helpful and comfort her. I like her and feel sorry for her. We text each other occasionally on the weekends. Recently, she asked me to meet her after work so we could talk longer. I said I’d check with my wife to see if we already had plans. My friend looked surprised and asked me why I had to get permission. Didn’t I have any privacy, she asked. Now it occurs to me something more is going on here— but I am tempted to go. Am I cheating on my wife?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

What you are describing is at least the beginning stages of an emotionally intimate relationship between the two of you. So far, it seems that you have put some limits on it by not sharing too many of your own stories. But …

 

You mentioned texting each other on the weekend. Big question — – does your wife know about the messaging contact? If you have kept the texting a secret (or private), why? Look out! Secrecy and not sharing the relationship with your wife sets the tone for emotional cheating.

 

Additionally, your work friend is likely very vulnerable—as are most people when experiencing marital difficulties. Her invitation to meet after work combined with her suggestion that you keep a secret from your wife spells big time trouble with a capital T. Add to that that you are actually tempted to meet her without your wife’s knowledge… Well, I will say that you are at least cheating your wife out of your time, attention, and an opportunity to share with you how you are helping a friend in need.

 

What do you think? Check back for Part 2 and in Find –It-Fast for more discussion, tips, and help to identify and prevent emotional cheating.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

 

MORE INFO LINKS:  http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/

 

 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

 

 

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