Sexual Affair and Healing

       Healing After an Affair

If you want to continue your relationship,

 consider these 7 do’s and 7 don’ts to succeed

in your process of healing and true acceptance after an affair.

do  consider THIS

 1. Respectfully share the feelings you have about her behavior and its impact on you.

 2. Accept her apology and offer forgiveness when you are ready to do so.

 3. Understand that while her choice to have an affair was hers alone and that you did  not “cause” her do it, what was lacking in your relationship made it seem to her like a good idea at the time. You have an equal responsibility for how your relationship has been shaped.

 4. Discover how your relationship is vulnerable and what to do about it.

 5. Allow time to heal and for questions—understanding that she may get tired of providing answers.

 6. Focus on the role of rebuilding trust. Consider all the ways you still trust her. With money? With children? Under other situations? All types of trust do not usually disappear at once.

 7. Consult a qualified spiritual leader, relationship coach or counseling professional as needed.

                                                 Don’t do this

 1.  Expect her to be totally patient with endless questions about her affair.

 2. Count on her to understand fully your sense of betrayal.

 3. Feel that she has no right to explain her behavior or express her feelings.

 4. Think that her sexual affair was necessarily only about sex.

 5. Expose her and your relationship to the judgment of others. Keep the crisis mainly between the two of you.

 6. Have unrealistic expectations of how fast you can recover from this.

 7. Avoid dealing directly with the crisis—thinking it will pass with time.

MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt1 7/13/08, Pt2 7/18/08

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