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6 Tips for Giving Away in Your Marriage Without Giving Up or Giving In
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Work through these tips to assess & enrich your marriage.
1. Know your family backgrounds è How did each family deal with disagreements & differences? ___ Bitter or loud arguments ___ Walk away ___ Successful conversations ___ Violence or abuse ___ Ignore or avoid ___ People pleasing ___ Lively debates ___ Other è How do the differences and similarities carry over into your marriage? è Do you handle things the same way in your marriage? è Does this family history set you up for a controlling relationship? Why or why not?
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2. Understand the disagreement è Are you sure you both see the disagreement or the difference in the same way?
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3. Weigh in è Select a weighing in factor è On a scale of 1 to 5, how important is this decision to you? è How important is this decision to your partner? è Hint: all decisions are not a 1(low) or a 5(very high) è Share numbers with each other
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4. Consider alternatives è Debate or discussion followed by accepting influence/persuasion è Negotiation è Compromise è Quid pro quo (trade one decision for another) è Giving away your vote in the matter
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5. Clarify the settlement è Compare beliefs è Was there accepting influence/persuasion, agreement, negotiation, compromise, quid pro quo, or one disagreed and “gave away” his/her vote for settlement purposes è Keep the record straight, but do not keep score
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6. Maintain a collaborative spirit è Establish a shared memory of decision-making. è Eliminate any controlling dynamic in your relationship è Preserve a partnership of equals. è No bad attitudes allowed |
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MORE INFO LINKS: Lists-Marriage: Being Controlling; Posts-Pt1 5-25-08, Pt2 5-31-08, Pt3 6-03-08; Reflections- © Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions. |
