Being Confrontational
by Dr. Coach Love
Confrontation has a very important role in relationships. When you confront someone, you reveal your perception of differences in thinking and feeling. If differences are left unresolved or unknown, that situation can lead to conflict. Breakdown in communication results and relationships weaken.
Differences in feeling and thinking can be unimportant. Confrontation becomes unnecessary. Know when to let it go.
Without any confrontation in a relationship, however, we have little chance of eliminating or reducing conflict. Perhaps one partner is suffering or simmering in silence? Without confrontation, we may not know where our important differences are.
Confrontation does not have to be aggressive, hurtful, loud, or ugly. Attacking the other person or his/her position is counterproductive. Personal attacks trigger defensiveness. Attack, defend, and counterattack patterns in communication solve nothing. The pattern generates frustration, anger, and/or distance in the relationship.
The confrontation message is most useful in relationships when delivered directly, in a calm and respectful manner. State your feeling, thoughts, and what you believe should happen. Do not argue with or discount the position of the other. Confrontation is not about arguing.
If we avoid confrontation, the chances of being dominated and not getting needs met in our relationship increase. If we are excessively confrontational, we may become controlling toward the other person and get our needs met at their expense.
Learn the skill of confrontation.
Then develop the judgment when to use it.
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt1 4-22-08, Pt 4-23-08, Pt3 To Be Posted; Reflections-Being Confrontational
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission. Contact DrCoachLove@Centurytel.net for permissions.
