Jealousy and Lying In Relationships Part 2
by Dr. Coach Love
In Part 1, we talked about how jealousy and lying early in a relationship undermined opportunities to build a healthy union. When you avoid communication in the ways you describe, you miss 4 critical relationship building opportunities. They are how to:
1. Assert and balance your individual rights
You each have rights to privacy and to make decisions
independently of each other; however, building a relationship
means you let go of some of your privacy rights and learn to
co-ordinate decision-making.
2. Handle differences of opinion
Differences of opinion are normal and natural in all
relationships. When you avoid exposing and solving differences,
that avoidance leads to frustration, disappointment, and
distrust.
3. Work through conflict
While all conflict cannot lead to agreement, the relationship
skills of compromise, collaboration, and negotiation are
important to develop for a successful reationship.
4. Establish boundaries
Boundaries are the limits between you and another person.
Setting boundaries is distinguishing between what decisions and
choices are solely yours and those that belong to the other
person—-along with those made jointly to build partnership
while preserving individuality.
These are four top skills necessary to build intimacy in your relationship. Biting the bullet on this learning curve early in a relationship is smart because it does not get easier later. It actually becomes more difficult because mistrust often gets in the way of discussion and learning. Diving into the learning process will generate new information about the other and the viability or potential lifespan of your relationship will surface quickly. Why delay?
Check back in Part 3 for information and discussion about the important transitional tasks that your boyfriend and his soon-to-be former spouse need to master to allow your relationship together to proceed in a healthy way. But until this new level is achieved, you will likely have to deal with a number of relationship issues they must work through together.
What do you think? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2010 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.
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Posted by drcoachlove on Sunday, June 13 , 2010 in Relationships and tagged bossy ex-wife, control, ex-spouses, honesty, losing self in relationship, lying, new relationship, provacy, rights, still in love with ex- partner.
