Teen Discipline-Piercing and Other Challenges Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
Our son has announced that when he turns 18 next month and it is legal, he’s going to get his tongue pierced despite our well-voiced objections. I told him I was totally against it and explained all the dangers and health reasons. My husband let him know that tongue piercing is against house rules and threatened to throw him out if he gets pierced. Our son is a good kid, works, does well enough in school, and helps us out at home. I really hate the idea of a pierced tongue, but I think my husband is going overboard with threatening to put out our son claiming he “has a right” to enforce house rules. Who is right here?
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As in most interpersonal problems, your family is experiencing a conflict of rights. Your son at 18 has the legal right (depending on state law) to make certain decisions including piercing his whatever. As parents and homeowners, you and your husband have rights to determine whom over the legal age is permitted to live there and under what conditions. And you may not be legally required (depending on the laws in your area and any divorce decrees) to continue to house or support your 18-year-old son. Consequently, this discussion may stalemate on legal issues. (Be sure to check legal resources as needed.)
What may be legally correct is of limited use to settle this conflict because it would appear that both your husband and your son may be right. But these two rights make it wrong to continue down this path: stubborn, disrespectful son versus stubborn, disrespectful father. Dialogue and compromise, not stubbornness or threats, can resolve the conflict and create a healthy relationship.
Work to balance the ideas of morals/values, social responsibility, personal choice, and individual rights. Simply standing emotionally and immovably behind “it’s my right to get pierced/make house rules”– fails to address a more logical and long-term view of potential relationship and life consequences.
Before you, as responsible parents, continue on this path following your son’s lead of stubbornness and disrespect, there are important relationship and value questions to answer. Piercing is only one of many teen discipline challenges that are very difficult to resolve. In Part 2, I will offer 10 questions for families, which will help decide the best course of action. These questions can be applied to piercing and other topics to help preserve family relationships and health.
What do you think? Check back for more discussion.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/
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v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.
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© Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
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