Avoiding Arguments and Fights: Is It Good? Part 4
By Dr. Coach Love
In Parts 1 – 3, we discussed the role of arguments and fights in building or damaging intimate relationships. The language individuals use to describe this type of conversation can vary and is a cue to the emotional issues that underlie the topic. There are several reasons why one partner or the other may avoid arguments or be fearful of getting into a fight. Here’s another one.
The Subject Matter is Touchy, Sensitive, or Uncomfortable
Most individuals will have memories of how their families handled disagreements when they were growing up. In general, the best examples that parents can give their children is to let them observe reasonable arguments around appropriate topics and see the process through to resolution. This is a skill building experience.
Often, however, adults have grown up in families where they never heard voices raised in disagreements or the opposite scene— where every difference of opinion exploded into a loud, obnoxious, or scary fight between the parents. As adults, witnesses to these models of behavior are left without skills for handling conflict. Fights are considered as negative in both situations.
In adult relationships, when subjects are considered touchy, sensitive, or uncomfortable, these individuals will not discuss matters because they avoid arguments and fighting. Relationships decline or fail to thrive when issues important to one partner are not explored in a mutual discussion.
If this sounds familiar to you, the solution is to develop conflict resolution skills and build tolerance for difference of opinions.
What do you think? Check back for more options.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
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