Husband Wants More Attention and Sex

by Dr. Coach Love


We have been married almost 10 years. We both work full-time and have two children. My husband works hard at his job and at home but has expressed his discontent that I don’t give him enough attention— look at him, show affection, talk to him, spend time with him, and (of course) initiate sex. I know he deserves more attention, but that feels like just one more thing on my to-do list. It stresses me out. Tips, please?


Whether your to-do list is mental, electronic, or on paper, attention to your husband  (and marriage) “should” be on that list. If you value your marriage and love your husband, marital attention can become a priority at the top of your list. And if you want family stability, remember, your marriage is the foundation for your family. Strong marriages make for strong families.


You don’t paint your husband as particularly high maintenance or a slacker. And it sounds like you get stressed whether you give him attention or don’t. A solid marriage will reduce stress through good communication. Do you get enough of the kind of attention you want? Are you fully satisfied with your marriage? Maybe you are playing the “when this happens game” .  Are you delaying attention to your marriage for when— 

… the kids are in school…. they become more independent… we can trust a sitter…we don’t have an child activity planned…  children are out of the house… we have more money for sitters and dates….blah,blah,blah 

Get real. There are no good reasons (or excuses) to neglect your marriage— unless, of course, you don’t care about keeping it. Marital neglect leads to marital dissatisfaction which leads to emotional distance which leads to— well, let’s not go there.


Being on the family fast-track is a real threat to marriage quality because the activity level and stress can lead to marital neglect. Both spouses can be prone to neglect the other in favor of over focusing on children’s needs. Overfocusing on kids can damage marriages!


Yes, I did say over focusing on children. The reality is that the time you spend attending to and nurturing your marriage does not cause a neglect of your children. On the contrary, a marital focus directly benefits your children by strengthening the parental bond.


Here are a few quick tips to consider:

1. Reevaluate your children’s schedule and consider cutting back/carpooling.

2. Work to develop collaborative babysitting resources.

3. Create a list of low-cost, no cost, and at-home activities for date nights.

4. Schedule a regular date night.

5. Plan a Couple’s Love Decathlon.


Think about an ounce and a pound. Simple efforts now on a small scale can prevent major weakening of your marital connection. Marital distance can lead to family weakness and destruction.


The best time to restore and enrich  loving and intimate connections with each other is today. Pay attention now or risk serious marital dissatisfaction in the future.


What do you think? Check the links below for additional information.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.



Dr. Coach Love




v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at



©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

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About drcoachlove

Dr. Coach Love is the author of the multiple award-winning book, The Marriage Whisperer: Tips to Improve Your Relationship Overnight, published by MSI Press, a traditional publisher in California.

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