Controlling Husband and Loss of Self  Part 3

By Dr. Coach Love


Review Parts 1-2 for the beginning of this discussion. Controlling relationships can change. However, often a controlling partner justifies or defends their behavior as being helpful, or declares their way as the right way, claims that they know better and are more competent or rational— change becomes more difficult. When the controlling partner is clueless about the rights of the other partner, the chances for healthy change improve significantly with the services of a licensed mental health professional.


Frequently, the controlling person will not enter into counseling or therapy because of the perception that it is the other person who needs help. In those situations, the person being controlled can receive help through individual therapy. The focus would likely be on taking a hard look at the behaviors which feed the controlling tendency of the other.


One important caution: it is not uncommon for some controlling people to reinforce their sense of power through threats and/or physical violence and verbal abuse. Sometimes threats and violence escalate— particularly if the controlling person feels threatened by the other seeking change through therapeutic intervention.


Building a support system of friends and family and knowing legal options to protect oneself from abuse are critical. The risks of change will be discussed further in Part 4.


What do you think? Check the table of contents below for links to more articles and Q&A on controlling behavior.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.



Dr. Coach Love




v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at



©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact for permissions.

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About drcoachlove

Dr. Coach Love is the author of the multiple award-winning book, The Marriage Whisperer: Tips to Improve Your Relationship Overnight, published by MSI Press, a traditional publisher in California.

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