Tips for Guys Dating Again- Part 5
By Dr. Coach Love
Before you go out trying to meet women to date successfully, I offer these three tips in Parts 1 — 3:
1. Focus on good grooming.
2. Know your inner game: thoughts, feelings, goals, needs, and beliefs
3. Develop your wish list
Check back for details. Now here’s #4.
Grow Your Likability
It is important to be your self, because the self you show is the one she is going to expect going forward. So what’s the point of being someone you are not? You can be your best self and increase your likability by keeping these ideas in mind.
- Part of who you are is having an opinion about things. You come off as flat, dull and boring if you do not share your own thoughts. Be careful however, that you don’t share your opinions, likes and dislikes as the only good and right ones out there. That’s called being a know it all and controlling. A definite turnoff! Be flexible and be willing to really listen and accept different opinions, but have your own opinion— just not one that is set in stone.
And as you put your opinions out there, seek hers. This way, you will get to know each other at the same time—a parallel process. If she fails to express her opinion or conversely seems overly opinionated, that could be a red flag for you.
- It is important to create a balance of conversation with information about yourself and information about her. The side on a low to moderate level of opening up about details of yourself (self-disclosure) depending on how the interaction and conversation goes. But definitely, do not spill your guts.
Neither interrogate her about herself nor carry-on about all your wonderful traits and accomplishments. This is called being self-centered and not showing an interest in getting to know her.
- Be positive and use kind, upbeat humor. Definitely avoid sarcasm, even if intended to be humorous, because it can be misinterpreted as rude or negative.
- Be prepared with timely topics of conversation. This is easily done by a quick review of the Internet stories of the day. If you are into movies, books, technology, music, sports, or similar fun topics, be up to date. Share the passions you have. Be cautious about the potential for inflammatory discussions about politics and religion— unless there are specific cues that your date is agreeable to those conversations.
- And just like you were taught, well mannered people are easier to be around. Be polite to everyone, and use your manners.
- And if you haven’t practiced your smile lately, go to the mirror and learn to recognize it. Your smile is a valuable asset which tells her that you are approachable.
Check back for Tip #5, Create Confidence for the Road.
What do you think?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/find-it-fast/
Articles- How to Find a Companion: Blind Dates, 2/13/08
Successful Dating, 2/20/08
Quizzes- Dating: Online Screening 2/22/08
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.