Tips for Guys Dating Again- Part 4
By Dr. Coach Love
In Part 1, I provided general tips about how to successfully date and 10 tips to follow before you go and at the scene—with details in Parts 2 and 3. Get caught up and review the earlier blogs.
I emphasize that if you are a guy interested in more than sex alone, prepare yourself ahead of time. Strengthen your dating skills by using these tips.
On the list of ‘Before You Go’ tips I covered Good Grooming and your Inner Game. Now it’s time to Develop Your Wish List.
Develop Your Wish List
1. Think about your previous dates and relationships/marriage. What were the qualities of the women involved? Brainstorm uncritically and make a quick, but lengthy, list of all of the qualities the women possessed. Think also about any qualities that were absent that turned out to be problematic.
2. Neutral, positive, and negative qualities to review might include: intelligence, education, humor, drinking habits, smoking habits, recreational drug use, intelligence, education, appearance, conversational skills, negativity, friendliness, affection, religion, politics, and flexibility.
3. Take all of these qualities that you want in a relationship and express them in a positive form. For example, not “she wouldn’t exercise and watch her weight”, but rather “a partner who exercises and works to keep a healthy weight”; not “she was lazy”, but rather “a partner who keeps busy and works hard”.
4. Take your list of all of the positive qualities. Make your Wish List.
- Divide a piece of paper into two columns—-Must Haves and Preferences. Your Must Haves are the bottom line relationship deal makers or deal breakers for you. Your Preferences are the bonuses that are unnecessary but could enhance the quality of your relationship.
- Evaluate the qualities you have listed and put each under one of the two columns. Try to identify at least 12 qualities in all.
- After you have done so, recognize whether you are being overly selective or un-choosy by looking at the distribution of the qualities between the columns.
- Take your list and look again.
- If you have more than 70% of your list of qualities in either column, work at redistributing the list to around 60/40% or 40/60%.
In the long run, neither being overly selective or un-choosy will help you find a satisfying long-term partnership. Use your Wish List to provide a realistic basis from which to pursue and evaluate relationships.
In my next blog in this continuing series, I will discuss how to Grow Your Likability.
What do you think?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/
Articles- How to Find a Companion: Blind Dates, 2/13/08
Successful Dating, 2/20/08
Quizzes- Dating: Online Screening 2/22/08
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v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you suspect any mental health problems, please seek immediate direct professional services as appropriate.
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© Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
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