Child Discipline: Spanking and Yelling Part 2
By Dr. Coach Love
In Part I, I suggested that your intentions may sound good— but doubted that your yelling and swatting actually teaches your son to behave. It works to stop him in the moment—which might sound like a good idea at the time. I asked you to consider the 6 relationship messages embedded in the discipline situations you describe. I call these negative Rules of Engagement. If you missed it, you can check back in Part 1 to review the discussion.
Not only do spanking and yelling bring negativity to the parent-child relationship, when your seven-year-old is older and you disagree, he may imitate and adapt those messages to disrupt your attempts to parent him. There are many examples of how this negativity can sidetrack discipline efforts, shift the power balance away from parents, and damage the parent/teenager relationship. Think about these future possibilities, which are influenced by regular discipline patterns of yelling and spanking.
Consider also what parenting opportunities are missed as a result of yelling and spanking.
Message #1- Bigger hits littler. Often adolescents with a history of corporal punishment and yelling from parents become aggressive or violent with peers or younger siblings when disagreements need to be settled.
Parenting Opportunity Missed: Demonstrating communication tools
needed to discuss and resolve.
Message #2-Anger justifies violence. Teens learn to cope with anger by becoming unapproachable or hostile with profane language and verbal abuse. They may become out of control during arguments and discipline encounters.
They may even act out violently toward parents.
Parenting Opportunity Missed: Modeling how to manage and express
anger appropriately.
Message #3-He’s a bad person. When a child is on the receiving end of yelling and spanking, self-esteem is often diminished. Later, as preteens or adolescents, they are more likely to strike out to preserve their self-esteem. Older kids, in particular, are known to yell to their moms and dads they hate them and that they are bad parents. That is how they interpret what they learned. (And if you are struggling with your parenting, you may already feel like one.)
Parenting Opportunity Missed: Valuing individual self-worth.
In Part III, I will continue with #4 through #6. Check my blog for more discussion on yelling and spanking as discipline strategies. What do you think?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Parenting-http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/
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© Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
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