Being a Control Freak Kills My Relationships Part 4

by Dr. Coach Love


In Parts 1-3, we’ve been exploring the characteristics of controlling people and talking about how change is possible. For more info, check back.


Whether we are aware or not, all of us carry around messages, which come from our past. When those messages or beliefs are from childhood, they may be so ingrained that when we act on them, it is almost like we are on autopilot. Many of these messages are positive and develop into our adult values and sense of self esteem.


Others messages can contribute to our problems—- like being a control freak. If you believe you are a controlling person and that this quality is wrecking or damaging your relationships, then it is likely you are acting out on controlling beliefs. Look at this list below. Check off the controlling beliefs you have (or sorta have) and fill in the blanks with more possibilities and similar messages you carry.


____1. Being right and proving it go together.

____2. It is not okay to be different.

____3. If something is not right, then it is wrong.

____4. I must make sure that others understand that what I said is right.

____5. It is always important to be right and not make mistakes.

____6. There is always a best way to do something.

____7. If others only understood, they would agree with me.

____8. Agreement is necessary for harmony. Dissent is destructive.

____9. ___________________________________________________


____11. ___________________________________________________

____12. ___________________________________________________


Resist the temptation to be in denial about this. If the above statements aren’t “perfectly” yours, then feel free to control the situation and rewrite them to suit yourself. If you are a control freak, then statements like the above are just the tip of the iceberg for what is driving your controlling behavior. Check it out and make changes.


What do you think? Can you see the pattern here? Check back for more options and an upcoming article on changing your messages.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.



Dr. Coach Love


MORE INFO LINKS: MORE INFO LINKS: Archives-1/09/09, 1/14/09, 1/28/09 2/22/08, 2/23/08, 2/24/08, 3/06/08, 3/07/08, 3/08/08, 3/18/08, 3/19/08, 3/21/08, 5/25/08, 5/31/08, 6/03/08, 8/13/08, 8/16/08, 8/22/08, 8/25/08 

Quiz/List-Marriage: Being Controlling, Marriage Giving, Stop Nagging Tips, Control Freaks: 7 Types


Reflections- Need to Be Right, On Being Right in Conversations, Controlling a Control Freak, Stubbornness




v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at



©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact for permissions.

About these ads

About drcoachlove

Dr. Coach Love is the author of the multiple award-winning book, The Marriage Whisperer: Tips to Improve Your Relationship Overnight, published by MSI Press, a traditional publisher in California.

2 responses »

  1. mjb27 says:

    I’m not sure if this is describing me….probably. Incredibly helpful. I look forward to your next post.

  2. drcoachlove says:

    Thanks for your feedback, MJB. Be sure to check out all the related info on controlling behavior on this site listed at the end of this post. You can change a lifetime of controlling habits. Stick with it! And remember—When you control others, YOU are out of control. Take Care, Dr. Coach Love

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s