Being a Control Freak Kills My Relationships Part 3

By Dr. Coach Love


In Parts 1 & 2, we’ve been taking a look at how people can be controlling. Refer back for more info. Take heart. In my experience, most control freaks are not evil monsters or bad people. Mainly, they lack experience or skill in self editing, compromise, and negotiation.




Do you know how to make conscious decisions about what to say and what to keep to yourself?

·        _________ Being real means that you have consideration for others.

·        _________ Understanding “free speech” in relationships means knowing that not everything needs to be said.

·        __________ Never hide behind the words, “ Well, I was just being honest.”

·        __________ Free speech is not saying everything you want —- but rather recognizing that you can say it, knowing that you don’t have to say it, and choosing whether it is appropriate to say it.




What type of feedback have you gotten in your relationships?

·        _________ Have you specifically been called controlling?

·        _________ Have other adjectives been used to describe you as well: selfish, know it all, gotta be right all the time, must have your way, pushy, bossy, think you’re always right, etc.?


If you don’t know, find out. And when you do, don’t get into a big denial trip. Instead, think about what it is you do that causes people to describe you in that way.


I think you get the idea. These traits clustered together usually create a personality that is described as a control freak.


Still believe you are a control freak?


The good news is that you can use your controlling nature to control yourself. You just need to send yourself the right messages.


What do you think? Check back for more options.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.



Dr. Coach Love


MORE INFO LINKS: Archives- 2/02/09, 1/14/09, 1/09/09, 2/22/08, 2/23/08, 2/24/08, 3/06/08, 3/07/08, 3/08/08, 3/18/08, 3/19/08, 3/21/08, 5/25/08, 5/31/08, 6/03/08, 8/13/08, 8/16/08, 8/22/08, 8/25/08 

Quiz/List-Marriage: Being Controlling, Marriage Giving, Stop Nagging Tips, Control Freaks: 7 Types


Reflections- Need to Be Right, On Being Right in Conversations, Controlling a Control Freak, Stubbornness





v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

            brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at



©       Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact for permissions.

About these ads

About drcoachlove

Dr. Coach Love is the author of the multiple award-winning book, The Marriage Whisperer: Tips to Improve Your Relationship Overnight, published by MSI Press, a traditional publisher in California.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s