Being a Control Freak Kills My Relationships Part 2
By Dr. Coach Love
In Part 1, I discussed how we shape and are shaped through relationships with others. Check back for that discussion.
Although controlling relationships cannot be healthy ones— they can last for a long time. But if either person is emotionally healthy enough, he or she will end the relationship. So when you say YOUR behavior is “killing” the relationships, your girlfriends may have been emotionally healthy enough not to put up with controlling behavior from you. This is a good sign. You may be attracting emotionally healthy people. As you begin to make changes, it will be easier to get the support of your relationship partner.
One symptom of being controlling is thinking you are always/usually right. When you are consumed with convincing other people to understand that your ways are right, you become overwhelming and overbearing to those around you. This obviously is a real relationship killer.
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People around you shut up just to shut you up or shut you out if you do not shut up.
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You talk about being unable to control your need to control and feeling anxious if you need to rely on others. Our habits and traits are primarily learned behaviors. Ask yourself these life history questions:
1. Do you often have experiences with people letting you down or with disappointment?
2. Have you been frequently betrayed by others?
3. Have you found it difficult to count on other people to have your back?
Think about the people who have been in your life, both early on as a child and more recently. This will help you understand how you learned to be controlling in order to adapt or cope.
What do you think? Check back for more options.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: MORE INFO LINKS: Archives-1-09-09, 2/22/08, 2/23/08, 2/24/08, 3/06/08, 3/07/08, 3/08/08, 3/18/08, 3/19/08, 3/21/08, 5/25/08, 5/31/08, 6/03/08, 8/13/08, 8/16/08, 8/22/08, 8/25/08
Quiz/List-Marriage: Being Controlling, Marriage Giving, Stop Nagging Tips, Control Freaks: 7 Types
Reflections- Need to Be Right, On Being Right in Conversations, Controlling a Control Freak, Stubbornness
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog. This blog is not a substitute for therapy or other professional services. Be sure to seek personal therapy as needed.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2009 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.
