Being a Control Freak Kills My Relationships-
Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
It really sucks that I kill all my relationships. After I read your control freak article, I’m sure that’s what I am. I freak out and get anxious if I am not in control. I’m fed up with acting and feeling like I got to be in control, but I can’t seem to control being in control. Can you give me some tips to stop being so controlling and have better relationships?
Congratulations! You are on your way to beating being a control freak. You’ve taken the first step by recognizing it and looking for help. You can change.
Although you must always look to yourself to make changes and take responsibility, it still is important to understand the interaction and behavior patterns you have with your past girlfriends. We both shape and are shaped by the important people in our lives—especially in our intimate relationships.
Or course, the only person you can change is YOU. But recognizing your triggers, beliefs, and vulnerabilities is necessary for you to know how to change. While you may in general be a controlling type person, you may only become freakish about it if you are with a certain type of person. For example “people pleasers” may put you at risk to put your worst foot forward in a controlling way.
Recognizing relationship patterns is not about blaming anyone else for your actions. Nevertheless, in some of your failed relationships, your girlfriend may have unconsciously set you up to take control. This might happen if she tended to be excessively passive or overly accommodating. That is, she tried to please you all the time or was reluctant to speak up and give her opinion. If you are a “take charge” kind of guy, then naturally it would be easy for you to make all the decisions and get your way.
In the beginning of a relationship, your girlfriend may find this acceptable. Ultimately, for any healthy relationship, controlling behavior does not create happiness for both people.
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It takes input on beliefs, feelings, values, and decisions from two people to create a healthy and lasting relationship for two.
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Controlling relationships cannot be healthy ones. In this series of blogs, I will talk about triggers, beliefs, and controlling behaviors. I will offer tips on what you can do to change.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If any of your controlling behavior has lead to violence or abuse, please seek the help of a qualified professional immediately.
What do you think?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Archives-1/14/09, 2/22/08, 2/23/08, 2/24/08, 3/06/08, 3/07/08, 3/08/08, 3/18/08, 3/19/08, 3/21/08, 5/25/08, 5/31/08, 6/03/08, 8/13/08, 8/16/08, 8/22/08, 8/25/08
Quiz/List-Marriage: Being Controlling, Marriage Giving, Stop Nagging Tips, Control Freaks: 7 Types
Reflections- Need to Be Right, On Being Right in Conversations, Controlling a Control Freak, Stubbornness
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.
