Finding Meaningful Retirement- Part 2
by Dr. Coach Love
In Part 1, I expressed the view that numerous resources are available to provide excellent checklists of retirement activities. I approached your retirement question from a different perspective— your marital relationship.
You described your husband’s behavior as that of a Retirement Couch Potato.* Typically, men of retirement age today have wrapped their identities around job titles and associated their value with being wage earners. If this is true for your spouse, he may feel he has lost his identity and value. He may feel stuck and out of place. His search for new identity and value can be difficult. And, possibly, he feels worn out and used up.
Becoming a Retirement Couch Potato as you describe him is a handy and no-brainer way of dealing with his losses. So if being a “couch potato” is a relatively new identity for him, well, at least he may feel comfortable having one. He found this new identity without any real effort. The identity came to him by simply doing nothing. His motivation to rejuvenate himself could be absent.
It does come down to— whose retirement is this anyway? His? Yours? Or are you looking for a retirement life together? What do you seek?
In Part 3, I will offer coaching tips on how to build your plan together. But for now, it is important to determine who needs the change — – him, you, or both of you in your marriage at this stage of life. Will he join with you? Invite him.
If you find you struggle discussing and planning together, consider seeking the professional services of a marriage and family therapist or relationship telephone coach.
*Note: It is beyond the intent of this blog to address clinical depression. Depression in people of senior age, particularly during retirement, is a common phenomenon. If you suspect this to be an issue, please seek immediate professional assistance.
Check back in Part 3 for specific coaching tips for completing a marriage inventory.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Archives- 11/28/08, 12/11/08
Lists- Use of Free Time Arguments
Quizzes- Marriage and Retirement Quiz
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.
