Handling College Student Drinking Part 4
by Dr. Coach Love
Here is the continuation of several options to parent an underage student away at college who drinks. Check back with Parts 1-3 for the other options.
4. Leverage with Resources
Examine what leverage and resources you have to influence your son’s use of alcohol. Of course, factor in the level of your concerns with family values as you ask yourself these questions and consider the rest of this discussion. Examples:
- Cut off funding for his out-of-town education if he continues to drink. Could you? Would you?
- Limit/cutoff access to a car. Could you? Would you?
- Cut back on financial support. Could you? Would you?
Chances are these are not effective measures to influence his drinking choices. Imposing these potential consequences on your college student could drive his drinking underground and add dishonesty to your difficulties in parenting him long distance. But you must evaluate and weigh the potential outcome of applying leverage with resources. If you decide to apply leverage, do so carefully. You may end up creating more problems than you solve.
But what if his grades are acceptable despite his drinking habits? Does that alter your response to his drinking? Should unsatisfactory grades (and not the drinking) be the primary reason to cut off financial support or car access?
Imposing high impact consequences, however justifiable from your viewpoint, frequently derail family relationships and breakdown communication. High-level conflict and relationship cut off are common results. Parents are pushed even more outside of the information/ influence/ parental help loop.
Learn how to have an open dialogue with your son about his drinking. Work on discussing how, when, and why he drinks without becoming threatening and judgmental. Remember, you cannot hope to influence or understand his drinking without respectful communication. You certainly can disagree and express your fear with his choices. Refrain from becoming excessively confrontational or emotional—especially angry.
More options and discussion are on the way soon. What do you think?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
(NOTE: The issue of family heredity and alcoholism is beyond the scope of this blog. Please contact a professional mental health addiction specialist if this is your concern.)
MORE INFO LINKS: Archives- 5/13/08, 5/18/08, 5/19/08, 5/23/08,
11/02/08, 11/06/08, 11/14/08
Lists- 7 Intervention Tips for Underage Drinking,
9 Prevention Tips for Underage Drinking
Quizzes- Teen Drinking Choices,
Underage Drinking
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.
