Handling College Student Drinking Part 3
by Dr. Coach Love
In Part 1 & 2, I discussed the first two of several options for parenting an underage college drinker. Go back to review the discussion on contacting college personnel and respecting your limits. Now consider option 3.
3. Skip the Arguments
Skip the useless-frustrating-go-nowhere-arguments. There is no foreseeable gain from arguing the point of whether he is or is not an adult. His definition, your definition, and the legal may vary. Instead of trying to convince, simply acknowledge your similarities and differences on the point of adulthood and maturity. For example, you might say something like:
“Yes, we know you believe that you are an adult. You are mature in many ways like… We understand that. But at the same time, we agree with the law about being legally old enough to drink. We are worried about you.”
Hint: Remember: the argument that he is legally underage may be just a technicality to him. He may expand the debate into pointing out that he is adult enough to serve, to vote, etc.
Likewise, trying to convince him to admit/agree that drinking is a bad/dangerous choice will probably take you in a circle. Either he does not agree and so he drinks or he does agree and is drinking anyway. Instead, choose words to show your concerns for his well-being.
Express your sincere hope to him that nothing bad happens to him because of drinking. It is usually pointless to impose a global, gloomy, and perilous prediction that his whole life will be ruined through underage drinking. He already knows that underage drinking could cause him problems. Duh! But he does not believe it will and sees little risk. You lose any credibility you may have with an absolutist claim and only invite more argument.
Check back for additional options to consider.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
(NOTE: The issue of family heredity and alcoholism is beyond the scope of this blog. Please contact a professional mental health addiction specialist if this is your concern.)
MORE INFO LINKS: Archives- 5/13/08, 5/18/08, 5/19/08, 5/23/08,
11/02/08,11/06/08,11/20/08
Lists- 7 Intervention Tips for Underage Drinking,
9 Prevention Tips for Underage Drinking
Quizzes- Teen Drinking Choices,
Underage Drinking
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