When Are Work Friends Too Friendly? Part 2
by Dr. Coach Love
In Part 1, I indicated that no one else could advise you what to do if you discover your spouse has become too friendly with an opposite sex friend and you suspect them to be emotionally cheating. You have three obvious choices — confront, maybe confront, and not confront. For each choice, there is a variety of options.
But first, it is important to distinguish friendly from too friendly. This is an important distinction for marriages because being too friendly can be a precursor to emotional cheating, which can lead to sexual cheating.
What is too friendly? Very simply (absent any sexual contact, of course), there are 2 simple guidelines to consider when thinking about what is too friendly:
1. Any contact with an opposite sex friend/coworker that is not
specifically work related AND is kept private or secret, while not
openly disclosed to one’s spouse is probably too friendly— or may
soon be. Why keep ANY friendship from your spouse?
2. Any contact in front of/ known to one’s spouse that is offensive
or hurtful to him/her and considered too friendly by him/her,
probably is. Now obviously, this draws a line between friendly and
too friendly that moves subjectively. Subjectivity IS the nature of
intimate and personal relationships. Your spouse’s opinion and
feelings count here alongside (or at times ahead of) yours.
(CAUTION: Expression of excessive, controlling, or volatile jealousy is not being discussed here. Please seek the appropriate help from mental health, legal, or other resources.)
Remember that being too friendly is just that—too friendly. However, the lines in a too friendly relationship can become easily blurred and create a slippery slope into cheating. Often one of the participants has a more intimate agenda or needs.
Check back for discussion on response options.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS:
POLL- Emotional Cheating- Work Friends
Archives- 3/24/08, 3/25/08, 3/31/08, 4/2/08, 4/5/08, 4/12/08, 7/13/08, 7/18/08, 10/18/08, 10/28/08,11/10/08, 11/17/08/, 12/05//08
Lists-Sexual Affair and Healing
Quizzes- Emotional Cheating Quiz
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v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
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