When Are Work Friends Too Friendly? Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
My husband has this female “friend” at work. I met her once at his office party. I could feel their friendliness. Recently, I got into his home e-mail by mistake and was blown away with what I saw. I saw a series of more than friendly e-mails between him and her — – about 10 not work-related. They were not exactly sexual, but…. I know he’ll be mad about me getting into his e-mail. When are work friends too friendly? What should I do?
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Your innocent discovery of what might be emotional cheating is unfortunately becoming a common occurrence— for both men and women. The topic of how-friendly-is-too-friendly is an important one to consider between male and female coworkers. Where does the line between friends end and emotional intimacy begin?
When you met his “friend,” you had an uncomfortable gut instinct, which you apparently did not pursue. And that’s okay. Our emotions provide us with valuable information, but we also need facts and further investigation to interpret what our feelings are telling us.
For example, are they each equally friendly with others? Are you typically a jealous person? Is your husband setting you up to appreciate him more? Is there really something going on between them? Was there too much drinking involved? As you can see, there were potential explanations other than emotional cheating. But now you have additional information to add to your gut instinct and discover the nature of their relationship.
So what should you do about this suspected emotional cheating? No one else can give you that answer. They don’t feel how you feel and they will not have to deal with the consequences of what you choose to do and not do. Others do not know your husband and your relationship as you do. So, at this point, be very careful about not jumping into any “advice” that others may give you.
You have three main (and obvious) choices:
1. Confront him immediately.
2. Maybe confront him in the future.
3. Do not confront him based on your e-mail discovery.
But for each of the three main choices, there are different options for how to confront, maybe confront, and not confront. In my next blogs, I will discuss the lines between friendliness and emotional cheating along with the pluses and minuses of each approach to the discovery of the e-mails.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
P.S. I have recently added polls to this site. To take this poll, or see results, go to POLLS and click on Work Friends and Emotional Cheating Thanks for participating!
MORE INFO LINKS:
POLL- Emotional Cheating- Work Friends
Archives- 3/24/08, 3/25/08, 3/31/08, 4/2/08, 4/5/08, 4/12/08, 7/13/08, 7/18/08, 10/23/08, 10/28/08, 11/10/08, 11/17/08, 12/05/08
Lists-Sexual Affair and Healing
Quizzes- Emotional Cheating Quiz
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