Too Much Softball- Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
When I met my husband, he played softball three times per week, and went on 4 to 6 out of town weekend tournaments. He also played golf almost every Saturday. During the winter, his time with his friends was hunting weekends, football, fantasy football, and poker nights. We have been married for three years and now have a six-month-old baby. We both work full time. Isn’t that too much softball and shouldn’t he cut back on his activities?
________________________________________________________________
Use of free or leisure time frequently becomes a strain on relationships when couples do not agree or one’s use violates the values of the other spouse. I consider free time as neither income providing/IP (time required or necessary to produce income) nor home providing/HP (time required or necessary to create a happy, well run home life and provide quality parenting).There are 6 main usage types of free time.
|
USE OF FREE TIME |
|||
|
TYPES |
SPENDING TIME WITH…….. |
||
|
1. |
ME or IT |
My Entertainment or Individual Time |
what I enjoy or like to do for myself (e.g. sports, reading, TV, napping, music, hobbies, games, spa/salon services, etc.). |
|
2. |
FR |
Friends |
the people I like. |
|
3. |
XF |
Extended Family |
grandparents, my parents, siblings, cousins, and other related persons- at gatherings or just visiting. |
|
4. |
MC |
Marital or Couple |
my partner and I, alone as a couple. |
|
5. |
IF |
Immediate Family |
my partner and I together as parents with our kids. |
|
6. |
O |
Other |
different couples/families or co-workers at job related social/play events and functions. |
|
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions. |
|||
Obviously these types of free time use can overlap, but you do not have the right to control how your husband spends his discretionary time. Nevertheless, when an individual chooses to marry and have children, there are reasonable expectations that he or she will spend time with spouse and children as their priority and allot discretionary (leisure) time accordingly.
You are suggesting that your values regarding use of discretionary (free) time are different from those of your husband. Those differences may be causing a strain on your relationship and family life. Check my next blogs for continued discussion and tips on how to resolve these differences.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Lists- Use of Free Time Arguments
Archives -9/03/08, 9/06/08,9/12/08, 9/15/08
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.
