Control Freaks in My Life- Part 3
by Dr. Coach Love
Continuing from Parts 1 & 2…ask yourself these important questions:
v Is it possible to ignore the controlling behavior/comments and be OK?
v Is the controlling person in an authority position over me?
Am I doing/saying anything to trigger this controlling behavior or escalate it?
If you do recognize how you add to the problem, use that level of
awareness to change yourself first and then watch for the impact
on the other person.
Do not change with the purpose in mind to try to MAKE the other person change.
That is called manipulation. The goal is to improve YOUR behavior.
You cannot change the behavior of the other.
CAUTION: When you change, you take the risk that the controlling
person’s behavior may actually seem to get worse
(more controlling or obnoxious) in response to your change.
Resist changing back unless you are in physical danger or do not
want the positive changes in yourself.
Believe it or not, many “control freaks” really are sincere and caring people who
tend to be trapped as perfectionists. Attacking them is not a good plan and
will likely be ineffective. Going on the attack may compromise your values
and take you out of your normal character.
And guess what? THEN YOU HAVE LET THEM CONTROL YOU!!
In my next post, I will continue the discussion on coaching tips to deal
with controlling people.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Lists-Control Freaks-7 Types,
Dealing with Control Freaks-9 Tips
Archives- 8/13/08, 8/16/08, 8/25/08;
Reflections- Controlling a Control Freak;
Quizzes-Am I a Control Freak
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to
DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,
brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal
advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.
