Child Discipline: It’s Not About Lying Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
I have three kids. The oldest is 14. For the past year he has increasingly been lying. I’ve always emphasized the importance of telling the truth. I feel hurt and disappointed when he lies. What can I do differently?
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Parents often express frustration and hurt feelings when adolescents “suddenly” seem to start lying. But think about it, like it or not, lying for kids—especially adolescents— is “normal” bad behavior.
While some kids seem to be less truthful than others are, remember that kids lie for the same basic reasons adults do. If adolescents lie more than adults, it is because they find themselves in circumstances more frequently where lies are “useful.” They see fewer options.
In general, there are 5 primary reasons why adults or kids tell lies. The goal for the lie might be to:
Ø Inflate one’s worth/gain rewards
Ø Protect self from consequences/stay out of trouble
Ø Guard privacy
Ø Reserve decision-making for self
Ø Avoid disappointing or hurting others
As an alternative to taking your son’s lying “personally,” examine the above goals. Determine instead what he is trying to accomplish by not telling the truth. His goal may not always be the same. If you find your son lies excessively, take a careful look at your parenting boundaries.
Check back for Part 2 for more thoughts on parent boundaries. What do you think?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt2 Coming Soon
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