Relationships & Communication: Memory Wars Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
I believe I have a normal memory. Just like my coworkers and friends, I do forget some things. It is not any problem except with my wife. She seems to remember just about everything from the trivial to the complicated and important. We are both intelligent people, but her attitude toward my memory is a sore spot between us. She gets upset and accuses me of having a bad memory— if I forget anything! We get into ridiculous debates about whether or not she actually told me something or I just forgot. Any tips to offer?
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Without getting into the science of it, in relationships most people appear to have selective memories by choice, habit, and effort, or based on natural abilities for retaining certain kinds of information. And then there are individuals who seem to have no memory lapses and consider themselves as normal.
We make jokes about elephants, steel traps, and sieves to describe our memories. We often consider memory only as an indication of whether someone was listening to us. We all know that memories are different BUT…
Frequently, to our partner, remembering events and details seems to spell the importance we place on our relationship with them.
Check back for Part 2 where the discussion will continue with tips on how to end the memory wars.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Lists-Relationships, Memory, Conflict;
Archives-7/03/08, 7/10/08
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