Marriage- Being Controlling: Never Give Up, Never Give In- Part 3
Continuing from Parts 1 & 2… There are many ways to handle disagreements and differences of opinion in marriages. It is important that the resolution of the issue reflects the rights and opinions of both partners. Before you “give away” your vote on a decision, remember 3 things:
1. Keep a positive power attitude. Bad attitudes defeat the purpose.
You are making a choice. You are not being controlled, giving up,
or giving in.
2. Search for a “quid pro quo”; that is, a negotiated trade. Is there
another decision you really want made instead– that could be
exchanged ?
3. Explore whether an appropriate (apples for apples) compromise is available. For example: not pizza or burgers, but chicken; two weeks instead of one or three; spend $1000 rather than nothing or $2000).
I am not suggesting that couples keep exact scores on who “gets their way.” Ideally, marital decisions would suit both partners equally. But that will not always be the case. That is why it becomes important to create a mutually understood history of what really went down during decision-making.
A split reality (giving up versus agreement) triggers misperception and can create a controlling relationship or the appearance of one. Increase your awareness and build a shared reality with your partner.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Lists- Marriage: Being Controlling
Posts- Pt1 5-25-08, Pt2 5-31-08;
Quizzes-Marriage Giving
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