Predict Not Prevent Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
My husband and I have a difficult family situation that keeps repeating. His grandparents come to visit us often. We love them dearly, but they can be a problem for us. We stress out knowing they are coming because we want to have everything perfect.
No matter what we do, they always criticize something. When we ask them to be more positive, they claim they’re just trying to be helpful with their comments and have a right to express their opinions. We both work hard to try to prevent problems, but can’t get it right. We want them in our lives, but need to get rid of our stress. How can we get them to stop being so negative and critical of us?
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You can’t. Obviously, your relatives feel that nothing is wrong with what they’re doing. There is no motivation to change. You are not planning to cut off contact with them anyway. You suggest they are harmless, but annoying. Embrace who they are as people– including their flaw of being critical.
You can change yourself. Deal with the way they are. Avoid stressing out. When you know they are planning a visit, carefully plot with your husband. Instead of plotting how to prevent their criticism (which has proven to be impossible), learn to predict the criticism.
Follow up with Part 2, where I will provide coaching tips that may work to reduce your stress and change the outcome of family visits.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Articles- Confrontation; Posts- Pt2 4-23-08, Pt3 5-2-08;
Reflections-Being Confrontational
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