Anal Cleaner and Sloppy Husband- Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
My husband says that I am too anal about cleaning our house. I think he’s too sloppy. When he cleans, stuff is not clean when he’s done. I’ve tried to teach him how to clean right, but he won’t listen. I end up cleaning after him sometimes, but most of the time I clean the entire house because he won’t help. We go through this conflict every time. What can we do?
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Being “anal” generally means that something has to be done a certain detailed way and only that way to be considered right. Does that describe you?
Labels of “anal” and “sloppy” are both relative and subjective. Compared to you, he may be sloppy. Compared to him, you may be anal. It depends on your scale of reference. Knowing that you have very different styles of cleaning, slinging negative labels definitely does not solve your problem. It is a lose-lose scenario. You and your husband are in the “Do-it-my-way–No-I-quit” dance. Here are some nonjudgmental ways to look at your cleaning dance.
1. You and your husband have equal rights to determine housekeeping standards.
2. Your right to be more formal does not trump his right to be more casual in his cleaning approach.
3. The sure way to get something clean the way you want it, is do-it-yourself.
4. The sure way for him to do it his way is to-ignore-you.
5. Watch the conflict pattern shift when he withdraws from the cleaning dance in response to your efforts at standards’ enforcement:
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He avoids his conflict over cleaning style, BUT—
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You feel added conflict over workload unfairness.
6. Conflict does not disappear when he does cleaning your way–it shifts to him.
You can learn to change the dance. Check back for Part 2 for coaching tips to improve your relationship when it comes to housecleaning issues.
That is my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Lists- Housecleaning: 7 Ways to Divide Family Labor;
Post Pt2-4-20-08; Quizzes-Housecleaning Wars Quiz
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© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission.
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