Communication Weed #4: Words Have No Meaning-Part 2
by Dr. Coach Love
Continuing from Part 1…Handling differences with communication in a relationship can be a challenge. Words have no meaning when they travel through the air. Despite Webster’s best efforts, words are loaded with meaning by the speaker when spoken and again by the listener when heard. Communication fails when intent and interpretation do not match.
A variation of the communication weed described in Part 1 is the speaker who uses the same words repeatedly—despite the listener missing the drift of the intended meaning. The speaker insists that he/she was clear and that the failure to communicate was all the listener‘s fault. It wasn’t.
Consider these thoughts:
è Repeating the same words to restate what was misunderstood the first time is senseless.
è Even if your words seem perfectly clear (to you and maybe even 10 others in the room), repetition of those words usually will not do a thing to help this particular listener get your message.
è Clarification requires selection of different words.
è Your first choices did not convey your meaning to your listener.
è Get over it.
è Move on to new language.
è Stop being the “word police.”
Here are 5 basic coaching tips to help you improve communication:
1) The speaker gets to say what she said and intended.
2) The listener gets to say what he heard and understood.
3) Arguments often begin when one says, “You said/You meant.” Say instead, “I thought I heard…” or “I misunderstood. I thought you meant…” or “What I am trying to express is…”
4) Intent and understanding often do not match. Collaborate to establish clear expression to correct the problem.
5) An audio graphic memory can be useful; but not to tell the speaker what she/he intended. Use it to locate and correct communication disconnects; for example, how one particular word may carry different meanings for each person.
Check out Part 3 for 5 additional tips to yank this communication weed out of your relationship.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts-Pt1 3-18-08, Pt3 3-21-08
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@centurytel.net.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy, brevity, clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission.
Contact DrCoachLove@CenturyTel.net for permissions.
