Communication Weed #4-Words Have No Meaning-Part 1
by Dr. Coach Love
I am in a relationship that can get very annoying sometimes. We will be talking about a touchy subject for a second time and he’ll correct me—telling me exactly what I said last time.
“No, you said, ‘blah…blah…blah’ (which happen to be almost my exact words) and that means, ‘blah…blah…blah’,” he says. Then I’ll say, “Well, I meant, ‘duh…duh…duh’ (using different words this time)”. Next he’ll insist, “No, that’s not what you meant. You can’t change your words now to get out of trouble with me. I know what you meant. Words speak for themselves.”
He thinks he knows-it-all. He doesn’t, especially when it comes to understanding me. Sometimes he has even pulled out a dictionary to try to prove me wrong. Yet he is unusually accurate at remembering transcript-like details of conversation. He can recall exact words spoken (better than I do). So he thinks his interpretations of the conversations are always correct. They aren’t. I feel like he tries to attack me with my own words. We get into a verbal war. How can I make myself understood while he’s so great at remembering what I said, but not catching what I meant?________________________________________________________________
Similar to a photographic memory where an individual records an experience visually, your friend seems to have an audio graphic memory. He records auditory experiences for later playback. Here are 6 points to review:
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1. This type of memory is useful to explore how communication was misunderstood by tracking how the listener attached unintended meaning to specific words.
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2. Exact words are not helpful as ammo to prove you know what someone else meant to say better than they do.
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3. Words do not speak for themselves. In good communication, we learn to choose specific words to deliver our meaning as clearly as possible.
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4. Arguments about exact words used in conversation are nonproductive.
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5. Trying to tell others what they mean by what they say is foolish.
- 6. Successful communication involves matching speaker intent with listener understanding. Often, a clarification process can insure that communication is effective.
End the word wars. Stop using words as weapons of mass relationship destruction and distortion of communication. Check out Part I when I will offer more tips. Until then…
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt2 3-19-08, Pt3 3-21-08
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© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission.
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