Is Obedience a Good Thing? Part 5
by Dr. Coach Love
In Part 4, I listed examples of parenting behavior, which I believe show a lack of self-control and discipline from the parents. Maybe you agree, but feel that, “ I’m not going to let him get by with treating me like this.” You feel justified in treating your adolescent as he treats you (payback/a taste of his own medicine). But wait a minute. Who’s influencing whom? Is that like a parent biting the 4 year old who bit the 3 year old—effectively teaching bigger bites littler? Is that backwards or what?? Hello?
How can you teach him to talk nicely to his sister, when you treat him disrespectfully? Again, who’s influencing whom? It’s simple. You don’t teach him respect by role modeling disrespect to him. Should you work to choose the power of positive parental example over the power of external parental control?
Unless your adolescent is fearful of you or timid, by the time many kids turn16, external control (discipline from parents) becomes less effective as a parental tool for a variety of reasons. Besides, the goal is for adolescents to develop self-control, which is learned more quickly when parents model this quality. (Kids take self-control with them in life—not parents.) But if you have parented well, your offspring will take your positive influence with them. Is that what you want?
In Part 6, I will offer alternative approaches to consider and avoid power struggles with your adolescent.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt1 2-25-08, Pt2 2-26-08, Pt3 2-27-08, Pt4 3-03-08, Pt6 3-04-08; Lists-Top 10 Parenting Qualities; Article-Parenting: Obedience and Disobedience
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