Is Obedience a Good Thing? – Part 2
by Dr. Coach Love
Continuing….
As parents, we can be unproductively stuck on the “obedience thing.” When parents express strong feelings of disrespect or anger, optimum parenting is compromised.
To aid in softening those strong emotions, consider these alternate explanations for adolescent noncompliance:
- 1. They do not agree with parental standards/timing of requests. (They are entitled to their values.)
- 2. They’re not in the mood. (They are entitled to their feelings.)
- 3. They are expressing and developing opinions independently of parents. (They have their own minds.)
- 4. You may be letting go too slowly for your adolescent’s pace of development. (The process of successful parenting is to let go gradually and systematically of decisions and choices, you have previously made for your adolescent.)
- 5. They disagree only to get on your nerves or for the sake of disagreement. (They are baiting you into an argument. Frankly, I do not believe this is as common as parents might think.)
When your adolescent child is noncompliant with your wishes, try focusing on another value. For example, would it be wonderful for your son to learn about developing a cooperative relationship? Or how about learning the skill of negotiation? Are compromise and collaboration on your value list as adult skills? Teach those skills through your relationship with your adolescent.
In my next blog, I will explore more of the emotions and values involved in disciplining adolescents.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts-Pt1 2-25-08, Pt3 2-27-08, Pt4 3-03-08, Pt5 3-04-08, Pt6 3-09-08; Article- Parenting: Obedience and Disobedience
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@centurytel.net.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy, brevity,
clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission.
Contact DrCoachLove@Centurytel.net for permissions.
