Is Obedience a Good Thing? – Part I
by Dr. Coach Love
Our 16-year-old son is becoming increasingly disobedient when we ask him to do trash, keep curfew, clean his room, or talk nicer to his sister. Otherwise, he gets good grades, doesn’t drink/drug and works a part-time job. How can we get him to obey us? He’s setting a bad example for his younger sister.
________________________________________________________________
Here’s good news and good news. First, his behavior is “normal” behavior. Second, it sounds like he’s making productive and healthy decisions with school, job and drug/alcohol abstinence. Consider looking at his “disobedience” from another angle — that of being “noncompliant” with your wishes.
In general, there are children who are noncompliant (or slow to compliance) from an early age, and those, like your son, who adopted noncompliance later in adolescence. Consider yourself fortunate. Focus your parenting on his good behavior.
Now think about all of these qualities/behaviors: compliance, cooperation, compromise, collaboration, and negotiation. In your value system, which is the least useful trait for adulthood? I choose compliance as the least useful. Do you?
In any case, adolescents are noncompliant for many reasons, which are primarily developmental in nature. Adolescence is the appropriate time for children to push at parents to take over managing their own lives. This happens even if it seems too early to you.
Next time I will offer various explanations for adolescent noncompliance.
For now, this is my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt2 2-26-08, Pt3 2-27-08, Pt4 3-03-08, Pt5 3-04-08,
Pt6 3-09-08; Article-Parenting: Obedience and Disobedience
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@centurytel.net.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy, brevity,
clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission.
Contact DrCoachLove@Centurytel.net for permissions.
