Don’t Make It a Shame- Part 1
Dear Dr. Coach Love,
I have always heard that you should not call a child a “bad boy/girl” when he/she does something wrong. What difference does it actually make? It’s only an expression used to get their attention. Isn’t it just splitting hairs with words?________________________________________________________________ The The importance of these words is the difference between producing shame or guilt.
Shame is the feeling that you are a bad person. YOU are all wrong. No hope. You are stuck being you. You are incapable of change. Self-esteem is damaged.
Guilt is the feeling you have DONE something wrong. You have a choice. You can change your behavior. Self-esteem is preserved and often grows as you learn about yourself and how to improve.
Labeling the child as bad (bad boy — bad girl) is more than just applying words. It is a shame-based message tied to conditional love. The message: You are lovable only when you are good. You are good only when your behavior is good. This message can generally lead to self-doubt and low self-esteem.
In my next blog, I will list 4 simple coaching tips to avoid shame-based discipline.
This is my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: Posts- Pt2 2-14-08
v I invite your comments below.
v E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@centurytel.net.
v Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy, brevity,
clarity, and general interest.
v Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.
v Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.
© Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett. All rights reserved. Reprint with permission. Contact DrCoachLove@Centurytel.net for permissions
